School Projects

Sometimes I get to write a silly essay or create a goofy power point presentation for a class while I'm working on my degree in [Mind Your Business]. Here are a couple of my favorite projects.

The Dingle Berries!

For a Pop Culture class, we had to create a pop culture artifact. Basically the goal was to come up with some product, song, idea, etc. that would be remembered throughout the history of American popular culture. So I came up with the Saturday morning cartoon concept of The Dingle Berries!  Here's a power point presentation (open it with the 2007 version) where I introduce all the little critters to the world. My friend James drew them for me since I can't draw to save my life. Oh wait, I did draw the butt check from which the berries are hanging. I'm very proud of that.

The Dingle Berries Power Point Presentation (394KB)

The (Incredibly Sarcastic) Scientific Method

I had to write a report for an Earth Science class I took at [Mind Your Business] College about the scientific process of counting M&Ms.  Yep, it's a college-level course, and I had to write a paper about something we learned how to do in 8th grade... So, I wrote a paper that I think covers every requirement yet communicates my dismay at being reduced to writing on such a simple topic. It's not a regular, boring college paper. I wouldn't bore you with that. Take a few minutes, and maybe you'll like what I consider to be the best college paper I've ever written.

M&Ms Are Yummy and Countable

Abstract

This report focuses on the mind-boggling, important world of counting M&Ms. In a bag of M&Ms, how many red ones are there usually? The hypothesis presented in this experiment is that there are, on average, eight red M&Ms within a 1.69oz bag. To test this, a couple of bags of M&Ms were purchased. They were opened by pulling on the bag in a specific location until the integrity of the bag was compromised enough to cause a tear and, therefore, access to the contents within. Once the M&Ms were removed from the container, they were counted and separated. The hypothesis was tested to be accurate by separating the M&Ms into their respective colors and then counting them again by using fingers, eyeballs, and one brain (fingers for the movement of M&Ms into their respective color piles, eyeballs for the acknowledgment of the M&Ms’ existence, and the brain for the counting and recording of the information sent to it via the eyeballs).  Although different results might be reached if one were to purchase and count hundreds of bags of M&Ms, the university that has requested this experiment will not reimburse its students for such an expense. Therefore, by using two bags, it can be concluded that, on average, there are about eight red M&Ms per standard bag of M&Ms.

Introduction

The M&M counting experiment was conducted so that people who never graduated the eighth grade yet want to get an advanced college degree in something could experience what it is like to conduct a child-level experiment. How someone could drone on enough to create a four-page report on counting M&Ms is beyond the scope of this experimenter, but apparently, it has to be done in order to receive credit for the assignment. Plenty of knowledge exists on this subject; so much so that everything referenced in this report can be assumed as common knowledge. People separate and count their M&Ms all the time, be they in their own leisure or in special education classrooms.

Materials & Methods

To conduct this experiment, the following materials were required: two 1.69oz bags of M&Ms, a table or flat surface onto which the M&Ms can be placed and separated, a functioning hand attached to an arm that is attached to a functioning human body, a functioning eye that can differentiate colors attached to a functioning human body (preferably two so that depth perception can be achieved), and most importantly a brain with enough intelligence to be able to recognize what are and are not M&Ms and the ability to count them and retain the knowledge long enough to relay the information into a research paper. A piece of paper and a pencil could help with the recording process, as well. Unless an experimenter has X-ray vision, a bag of M&Ms needs to be opened. Once opened and the contents are spilled upon the table or flat surface, the M&Ms need to be counted to get a total number. Once a total number is reached, the M&Ms are separated into piles of matching colors. The hand with its fingers is used to move the M&Ms about the flat surface. Once all the candies are in their color piles, they need to be counted again. This time, the totals are the number of M&Ms in each pile. Once recorded, the process can be repeated with the next bag.

Results

From the data collected, the hypothesis posed that each bag contains about eight red M&Ms is correct. The total number of M&Ms counted and the amount of each color are shown in the following chart: (there was a chart here) In bag 1, the number of red M&Ms represents 12.28% of the total contents of the bag, while bag 2 contains 14.29% red M&Ms.

Discussion

Drawing upon the accuracy of the hypothesis, one can only assume that M&Ms are placed into their respective bags methodically to produce such a consistent result. Further, since the process needs to be performed very quickly in order to manufacture mass quantities of the candy for stores all over the world, the creature charged with this task would have to be something with the mind of a human but the speed of, say, a hummingbird. With that in mind, it is then logical to assume that the Mars company that manufactures these candies has created and employs large numbers of human-hummingbird hybrid creatures that the company uses to place the proper number of M&Ms in each bag. One could imagine that each human-hummingbird creature would be assigned to a single color so as not to confuse their tiny yet speedy minds. These creatures are probably kept away from the public eye as their bodily structures have been built for performance and not for aesthetics.

On the other hand, if one were to experiment with a large number of bags of M&Ms, they might find that the placement of the colors in each bag is probably random since bags are sold based on weight and not count as evidenced by the information on the front of the bag.